To my beautiful babies

Tate, Hudson, Harper, Gideon and Reece

Even though today is a day to celebrate mothers, to me it's a day to celebrate you.  For I would not be a mother if it weren't for you five beautiful human beings.

Being a mommy was something that I looked forward to when I was little.  I couldn't wait to carry around and love on my own little tiny creatures.  And here I am now with five healthy, wonderful, creative, compassionate, strong willed, smart, funny and just down right awesome children.  You light up my life EVERY SINGLE DAY. You challenge every notion I ever held of what motherhood would look like and yet I love you much deeper then I ever thought possible.  You are my greatest accomplishment.  A dream come true.

No one can ever prepare you for the highs and lows of motherhood.  No one can every explain what it feels like when I see a one of you excel at something you were struggling with.  The light that sparkles from your eyes when you finally get it, lights up my whole world.  Words can never describe how your giggle & secrets make me feel on top of the world. The beautiful perfect everyday moments I get to share with you make my soul fly.  But then no one can ever prepare you for the mental assault that I would face every day.  The constant struggle between patience and anger.  How you children, I love so much, challenge me to the core EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sometimes I want to hide.  Somedays I want to be selfish and eat a treat all by myself.    Somedays I hide in the closet just so that I can have a treat all to myself.  Somedays are hard and I can't keep it together.  I hope that you will forgive me for those days.  I hope that you will forgive me for the times I couldn't keep it together and lost my patience or was rude to you.

I hope dear children that you will always know how incredibly deep my love runs for you.  I am so proud of the children you are and the choices that you make.  Watching you grow into the little people that God intended you to be is both thrilling and overwhelming at the same time.  I question my parenting ability every day.  I worry, and cry, and pray that I am not completely screwing you up.  I am trying to be the best mommy to you that I can possibly be.  But I fail and I get up and try again every day.  I pray to be more calm, to understand your needs better and to use my short time with you wisely.  I screw up a lot and I hope that you will forgive me for that.  I am trying to teach you to be the best yous that you can be: to love others and to serve your fellowman.  At the same time I am still trying to figure out how to be the best me that I can be.  We are learning together.  

Thank you so much for making me a mommy for trusting me and loving me even though I fall short all the time.  Thank you for making me laugh so hard.  Thank you for teaching me to be selfless and patient and kind.  Thank you for teaching me what service really means.  But most of all thank you for just being you.  You are all perfect to me and I love you.

Love Mom.